Subconscious Sabotage: Explaining the mental tug of war

I read a quote about subconscious sabotage by Bo Bennett recently which said,

“Self-sabotage is like a mental game of tug of war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always wins.”

This sounds a little depressing! So I thought I would write a post to describe why the subconscious mind would think it was a good idea try to ‘sabotage’ our conscious will.

Our internal subconscious world view is built up from birth (or even before according to some). The primary ‘patterning’ period for the psyche is between the ages of 0-5.  By 9 years old our psyche will be completely patterned for the rest of our life. In childhood the psyche has the potential to develop positive patterning which will help in life. For example if we have a really tenacious parent who believed in thinking outside the box to resolve problems then the young mind can be patterned in to the belief that obstacles have solutions and can be overcome.

So how does the mind create defence mechanisms which later on in life feel destructive? We have to bear in mind that a child can and will experience overwhelming emotions growing up and not yet have the mental maturity to know how to handle these. Plus as we know not all childhood learning is always positive! So when the subconscious views a situation as unsafe or negative it will create a ‘safety mechanism’. Let’s give an example of how this may come about;

Let’s say an infant is crying.  It is trying to express its emotions to its care giver. Perhaps it has a tummy ache or is cold or tired and it can only express this discomfort through crying. Then the care giver (who could be exhausted or depressed) responds in anger with the child, shouting at it to be quiet and perhaps shaking its cot). This child, especially if this happens repeatedly, will then learn fear and that it is unsafe to truly express themselves. They can go on to develop a subconscious ‘safety’ mechanism that it is not safe to express themselves.  How could this manifest as an adult? If the adult supressed their true feelings and doesn’t find an outlet they could become stressed and develop depression. Or the sabotage could come out in another way such as finding it hard to speak up about their needs at work or at home. In relationships they may find it hard to discuss their true feelings leading to frustration. As the subconscious has deemed this expression as ‘unsafe’ in childhood it will carry around this belief system until the end. This can feel exasperating later on in life when we consciously want to move forward and yet our subconscious sabotages this. In adulthood we may have gained the necessary emotional maturity but not the subconscious safety and so we feel sabotaged by our own mental processes.  

Another way the subconscious sabotages us is by keeping us in the same emotional place as when something traumatic happened in childhood. This is called arrested development (or fixation). I’m sure we have all heard of someone who when in a certain situation feels triggered in to the same mental state as when they were e.g., bullied as a child. Most adults can relate to this is some way. We can physically age but stay stuck in the same emotions as when we were a child. This is because the mind hasn’t been able to process the situation and has therefore the psyche has become ‘stuck’.

So what is the answer? Does the subconscious always win like the initial quote suggests? When we have experienced something unsafe, negative or traumatic at any point in life we can grow if we gain enough understanding to release it. In times past this could involve shamans developing initiations to gain further insight or first nations peoples going on a ‘vision-quest’ to find enlightenment. In our era though we have a range of therapies at our disposal to help us find our way back to whole-ness. In Block Clearance Therapy we can look at any individual trauma, negative safety mechanism, emotional trigger or destructive pattern someone is carrying. We can do this by tracing its root back in to the subconscious mind and healing it at the base. Then affirmations are used afterwards to help the psyche turn the negative ‘block’ in to a positive solution. There is the hope to end the mental tug of war and replace it with mental co-operation.